[Desperado]

Desperado

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I have been in a three year and 5 month relationship that just ended last Saturday. As some of you recall the girl that I was with for 2 years left me for some other guy and slept with him. I got back with her and we worked almost everything out, but not the trust issue that I had. So a few months go by and we decided we wanted to get married, it was on my mind for a while when we got back together. So I picked out an engagement ring and in a few months following we were engaged on our 3 year anniversary. She moved in with me and my mother and we tried finding a place to live but we just couldn't afford anything. Her and mom got into a fight and she moved out and we kept trying to find a place. I kept in contact as much as I could and would let her borrow my vehicles so she could get to work. She would often call me her rock and say, "I can't wait to marry you! My Cameron-hubby!!" Then she started feeling a little distant from me and I started getting nervous because I havent worked out my trust issues so I started getting ansy at the beginning of this month. She told me she was going to go hang out with my friend who is a guy for a day and go hang out with her other friends. I wondered why would she hang out with my friend. When I told her I felt uncomfortable with that she told me she felt "suffocated." I wanted to talk to her about it and when I brought it up she ignored it. Come that night that they hung out I was nervous having a panic attack so I decide to go to walmart and cool off. They showed up in my other car. She texted me and I told her I wanted to go home and talk to her later. She could tell something was wrong and kept asking me and she started blowing up on me and I went ballistic. I told her that she disregarded my feelings and I told her that I was upset and wanted to talk to her about hanging out with my friend. She fired back that if I was going to make her choose between her and her friends that it was over and that she didnt want to marry me. I ran to where she was in the store and tried reasoning with her, she wasnt having it and told me that it was for the best and that this was long time coming. We go back to my house she gives me my car and we exchange a few words in regards of how horrible the other person is. And I beg again but she just gets in her car and leaves. The next night I tried to commit suicide, not because of her but because of all the stress that I couldnt deal with. I took some alcohol and 8 sleeping pills and tried. I woke up the next morning and texted a few people to see if they could get me to a hospital, she some how got the text and took me to the hospital, it was in her words "Really fucking annoying." So yeah I was fine and she has started liking my friend since the break up and he doesnt want to be with her as a rebound so he said he is just staying away. I gave her some space and asked her if we could try again. "I lost all respect for you, I don't love you anymore, stop talking to me stop talking to my friends and family. I cant deal with this anymore. Its over." I told her that I still loved her and that my love for her never dwindled or became less that I will always love her and that if she were willing in the near future to mend things and start again I would. My question for all of you, i don't want to wait for her but what am I to do if she comes back to me and wants to start again? Her family is going to talk to her about this, because she has been quiet and hasnt talked about the break up or anything to anyone for the whole week. How can she go from being madly in love with me one week and totally hating me the next? I know it was stupid to try and commit suicide but I wasn't in the right state of mind. Your thoughts please.

[Photon440]

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I don't know what to say, man.  Don't know.  But I'm glad you're still alive to tell us about it.

You say you have trust issues, but still want to be with her.  All I can suggest is that you had those issues because she cheated.  And now she left you again.  If she ever came back, you'd still have trust issues, forever.  And it would get in the way of a proper relationship.  I say, cool off for awhile.  Then find someone better...

-=Photon=-

[WaiWaiWario]

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From the way you make it sound, I wouldn't even bother with her anymore. If she comes back and wants to try again I don't really think you should go for it. Sounds like it'll just end up happening again. Next time it could be the icing on the cake that pushes you over and makes you try to sleeping pill yourself to death again, and next time it might work. I don't think you really want that to happen. As for how she can love you one week and hate you the next, some people are just fucking stupid, I wouldn't think on it too much. It's possible we aren't getting the whole story here, but it doesn't really sound like you did anything wrong. Except maybe you made too big a deal about her hanging around with your manfriend, but I can see where there'd be some concern. That probably didn't really help things along. That "I feel suffocated" line sounds to me like total bullshit though.

[Juno]

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She sounds young.  I hate to be that way but she does - she sounds young and immature.  To say to anyone going to a hospital for any reason "This is so annoying" - that is inappropriate and disrespectful.

Des, there are many fish in the sea.  I'm sorry hunny, I know this sucks but seriously you can find somebody who will actually love you, treat you with respect, and will function like a normal mature human being.  Take some time off, focus on yourself and you'll be better, happier in the long run, for it.  

[Desperado]

Desperado

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Well she left me for my friend, who is a pot head, has no job, getting kicked out of his house in a week, drinks and has no car. Needless to say he isn't right for her. I keep praying everyday that she'll remember why she loved me and wanted to get married and drop him like a bad habit (pun). She left me because she said I was too controlling and she said I was "dictating her life" she said she felt like walking on egg shells just to make me happy. If she felt that way, how come she didn't tell me? I felt like walking on egg shells to make her happy, hell when a attractive girl walked in the room I couldn't look at her or I'd get in trouble. Anyway, I'm trying to move on and it's hard I just want to walk up to them and yell "WTF are you thinking?! YOU HAD IT SO GOOD!!!" She tells me she's not coming back this time, I don't know whether or not that's true because she likes to be confusing in order to get her way. Her entire family does not like this guy and she has yet to talk to anyone about our break up or my attempted suicide. I will keep praying that she will wake up and realize what she had and that it's still there but I wont hold my breath much longer for her. I love her, but if it's meant to be she'll comeback I guess, otherwise I'm leaving this town to go to school in another state.

[Juno]

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From experience and just free advice -

Being controlling can destroy a relationship and in a bizarre stealthy way.  Being controlling destroyed my last serious relationship of which you all know about.  I was a fucking freak about it and it took me years to figure that out.  It took me years to grow up and realize that as much as he was in the wrong, I was too. And however "perfect" we may have been for each other, we were young and way too unprepared mentally, emotionally and financially to be married, to have a household and to share a life.  That sucks, but it is what it is.

That said, don't gawk at another woman when your lady is in the room.  I've cold cocked and left more guys for that than I can count.  It's fucking rude.  Your job is to make your lady feel like she's the most beautiful thing in the room and her likewise for you.  That goes for all you boys on here - prove that chivalry isn't completely dead.

It really sounds like you both had a serious communication breakdown - walking on eggshells is no way to live your life with someone.  Listen to WaiWai and Photon - you're lucky to have your life!  Don't hold yourself down waiting for someone who may just hurt you for the third time.  Fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me - fool me a third time? No way! Go to school out of state!  Enjoy what are supposed to be the best years of your life man.

[saintbeast]

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I agree on all counts. Now I have been to the brink and back, and currently trying to pull my own rip cord and slow my self down, so please do listen to everyone here. We are all your friends, and you should know this by now. I will say this...try to learn from what happened. Leave her alone, and go off and do your own thing.

Find ways to stop thinking about it, if you have hobbies, participate in them, get NEW hobbies. Just clear your head as much as possible. I know it's hard...hell it's really hard, but for your own sake do it, and for the Love of all that if holy don't do what I do...I become an obssesive work aholic when I'm down and out...it's not good...

Anyways...just gow tih the flow. Get out of the city, the state, hell if you can the country. Do things you've never done and try to live, it'll help...trust me on that.

[Desperado]

Desperado

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I know now, I had an epiphany, I didn't lose her to a person, I didn't lose her to my anger, I lost her to addiction and her craving for it. Her entire family is being torn apart by her and her drinking, pot smoking and ignoring them. She is not talking to them or anyone who isn't with her on this kind of life or experience. I tried to save her from it, my mother and father were addicts and I know what happens, I tried so hard. I can't save her anymore. And I don't know if I'll be there to pick her up when she hits rock bottom. I don't want her back anymore I just want her to be safe and her life to be prosperous. I don't like seeing her family and friends suffer...I know that I have to let her go for now. I pray that nothing happens to where we lose her forever.

[saintbeast]

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Im glad you're coming around Des...ain't nothing wrong with wish well for someone, and if you were unknowingly trying to play knight in shining armor...well...and I do this too...some people need to save themselves. At least you're making headway on it bubbah.

[dark_arkangel]

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She sounds young.  I hate to be that way but she does - she sounds young and immature.  To say to anyone going to a hospital for any reason "This is so annoying" - that is inappropriate and disrespectful.

Des, there are many fish in the sea.  I'm sorry hunny, I know this sucks but seriously you can find somebody who will actually love you, treat you with respect, and will function like a normal mature human being.  Take some time off, focus on yourself and you'll be better, happier in the long run, for it. 

i agree with the spark kid i think that you must think a lot not to felt bad but use your reason of what is wrong with her first and then with you here in Mx had a saying "lo que te molesta de otro puede por que sea un reflejo tuyo" it means that what other people may be disturbing for you is because it may be something that your doing think a lot but when you start feeling bad try to get cool doing anything that you like spend time to your friends they're quite helpy in this situations i'm telling you this from own experience and about all take care man you're young i hope that you dont something like suicide is soon to die theres a lot you can do in your live check my word and good luck friend

sorry for the spelling as you know my english sucks

[dark_arkangel]

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also take care when you lose the love and when it becomes more like an obbsesion is quite dangerus

[Photon440]

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Been a month since you posted anything, Desperado.  I hope things are okay at your end and you're smoothing off the sharp edges of pain that you started with.  Let us know how things are, eh?

-=Photon=-

[Desperado]

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Okay, I've been doing my best to let go for about a month now and here is the story so far with her...She moved two towns over a half hour drive, she got kicked out of her house and he got kicked out of his house. They live together and she is paying for the bills and everything. To me that is a bad idea but what ever not my problem. I've kept no contact with her for 2 weeks. So I'm at the bar playing pool with my friends and what not last thursday. All of a sudden my phone rings and it's her, I ignore it 3 times then finally answer, "WTF do you want?" "I just wanted to see how you were. I've been worried about you." She gives me the spiel of how she heard I've been drinking and smoking a lot and she's worried. She asks to see me, so like an idiot I agree. I go and see her she tells me she's been thinking about me and all sorts of crap like that. I tell her I'm fine and I'm still in one piece. Why are you worried about me? I ask. No straight answer. Then she tells me that she's miserable and that he wont get a job, she feels used, things like that. I tell her it's not my problem. I told her that I knew that was going to happen. Then she tells me she misses me everyday and she randomly cries thinking about me. She tries hugging me and kissing my neck all while crying. She gets closer and I step back numerous times. I told her I still loved her, but then again I don't know. She tells me she cant get rid of him even if she wanted to. Bullshit. She then told me not to wait, that I will find someone better, that i will eventually not love her anymore. So I'm left wondering WTF was this conversation about? I know I shouldnt take her back, but her telling me this brought back all sorts of emotions. I hate that. Any ideas? Oh yeah haven't spoke to her since then.

[matrim]

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Not a one. that seriously makes no sense. it would make more sense if she was trying to get back with you. but the bit at the end? I don't know man. Sounds a tad too bizarre for me.

[dmizer]

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So I'm left wondering WTF was this conversation about? I know I shouldnt take her back, but her telling me this brought back all sorts of emotions. I hate that. Any ideas? Oh yeah haven't spoke to her since then.

at all costs, keep as distant as you possibly can. block her number, never reply to her email, do whatever you can to keep away from her. you have moved on and that is great, do not let her pull you back in.